Humans have a weird tendency to want to be remembered, long after they’re gone. To leave their legacy, their mark on the world. This can be achieved through multiple ways: leaving a reputation (see: Mother Theresa, Steve Jobs etc), or leaving irrevocable damage (see: Hitler and Stalin etc), or have significant impact on culture (see: Beethoven, DaVinci etc), or knowledge (see: Einstein, Sigmund Freud etc). Or, as ordinary people do, leave descendants and pass on your genes and your name.
For me, I’m not like regular people. I have a rather negative view of humanity, dysthymic even. I find humanity, and its efforts, rather arbitrary. We laugh, we cry, we toil, we breed — to what ends? Earth is so tiny in this infinite space, confined within the boundaries of time and matter. What could we do that could possibly mean anything in the face of infinity?
My Christian education would force me to answer: our souls. Each person, each choice and decision, each prayer and redemption, matters because we are important to the Creator, our Father. Which begs the question: where does God stand in infinity? Is He, Himself, confined within the boundaries of infinity, like all matter that make up our world? Or did He create infinity, like we created infinity in numbers, and therefore stands outside it, like the omnipotent, omnipresent entity He is taught to be? Is there an infinity beyond Him, like space is beyond numbers?
Infinity, and God, or any all-encompassing entity for that matter, is a concept extremely foreign to humans. It is not within our cognitive ability to understand such concepts.
Likewise, even in the event of a omnipotent God beyond infinity, it is incomprehensible that every human soul is important. While there is a finite number of human souls, there are simply too numerous for each one to matter. Each soul is as important as each atom that makes up, say, a tree. All atoms are important, but in the grand scheme of things (the tree), a couple million misplaced atoms would not matter very much indeed.
Again, the concept of individual importance in the face of incomprehensible numbers is a concept foreign to our cognitive abilities.
So, what would I like to be remembered for? As my philosophy would suggest, I would expect to not be remembered very much after all. But despite my beliefs and doubts, I find the very idea of dying a concrete death, a very painful thought. Such is the juxtaposition of the human mind.
“They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time a bit later on when somebody says your name for the last time.” -Banksy
Afternotes: I started the 30-day writing challenge one semester ago and quite completely forgot about it, until recently. I've been going through some existential crisis, mainly doubts in my belief system, and have taken a very dysthymic attitude. I hope I can work it out soon (my parents seem very disappointed).
Dysthymia: a mood disorder characterized by chronic mildly depressed or irritable mood often accompanied by other symptoms (as eating and sleeping disturbances, fatigue, and poor self-esteem)
deep
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