You know how people believe that perfection is impossible? Well, I beg to differ. My friend Annabel is the very embodiment of perfection: perfect family, perfect looks, perfect grades, including that perfect personality that causes everyone who has seen her to like her, And I’m not using that term ‘everyone’ loosely. It really means every single person that she comes into contact with. She has huge black puppy-dog eyes and blonde hair even though she’s Asian. Add a thin waist, slim legs, long piano-fingers and pouty red lips to the list, and you get a doll so cute and beautiful that you’re enticed just by looking at her. Yes, that is my perfect best friend. I look downright plain compared to her. Heck, everyone looks plain beside her. It was no wonder I was tremendously jealous of her. However, I did have one feature that she didn’t have. My eyes are green. A beautiful emerald green. Who knows where that came from, but I’m not complaining (though everyone else is).
Annabel has the perfect life. She is the sole (and thoroughly pampered) child of the President of Mac Industry- one that makes billions every year. Although, this was not the cause of my jealousy, as she is also one of the most generous and sharing person I know. No, she has to have a perfect boyfriend. The perfect boyfriend. His name is Eric. I grew up with him, and have loved him ever since I can remember. I still love him. I used to be so confident that he loved me too, until he asked Annabel out. My heart broke afresh every time I saw them together.
“Look! Eric’s here! Bye, Lauren!” Annabel waved at me while skipping towards Eric. They always create this private and joyous aura together. No matter how hard I try, I could never penetrate it. I can feel my heart bleeding as I gaze at the contented, and very much in love, couple.
“Hi there, little lady. You look lovesickkkk,” a stranger in black hat, black clothes and black cape drawled. A huge mass of silver hair tumbled down from the black hat on the stranger’s head, obscuring the face. Was the stranger a he or she? Weirdo, I thought, and decided to ignore the said person who sat by the now deserted roadside.
“A pretty girl came by not too long ago, with her boyfriend. He’s the one you want, isn’t heeee?” the stranger dragged. The voice sounded eerie, full of knowledge. My eyes widened in shock. How did Weirdo know?
“Hehhhh. You’re jealous of her, aren’t you? I don’t usually do this for normal customers, but for a heart-broken girl I’ll make an exceptionnn,” Weirdo said. I could hear the smile in that high-pitched voice. It reminded me of nails scraping on a blackboard. It was a slow smile. A sinister smile. I fought the urge to shudder. What is wrong with the dude??
Weirdo then extracted a doll form his black, worn cloak. The doll was bare, completely bare. Not a stitch of cloth on it. It lacked eyes and hair too, but was beautiful nonetheless.
“You’re interested, yesss? This doll can grant you three wishes. But only threee. You can replace anything of yours with others’,” Weirdo stood up and encroached into my space. It was a calculated advancement, like a predator approaching its prey. I should have been alarmed by this, but I wasn’t. I was entranced by the doll and its sad, empty frown.
“You could wish for that pretty friend’s hair…” Weirdo said, close enough to caress my hair now. I just stood and stared, transfixed, at the doll. I didn’t even flinch. Warning bells sounded in the back of my mind, but I ignored it. My addiction had muted it out.
Suddenly the doll disappeared behind the black cloak. I felt a sense of despair wash over me. Where is that doll?? Give it back!!
“Sure, buttt you have to buy it,” the stranger answered my unspoken demand. Or did I voice it out? I didn’t know, and couldn’t bring myself to care. Return the doll to me!!
“How much?!” I demanded. Weirdo laughed menacingly at the obvious desperation in my voice.
“All the money that you currently have on you will do just fine...” There was smugness in that dragged voice. A triumphal smugness, as if we were in a competition and I had just lost. Technically, I did. I was. I am. I am long lost to that empty doll.
I hurriedly took out my wallet and threw the whole thing at Weirdo, desperate to own that doll. Weirdo laughed darkly and took out the doll. I snatched it away immediately.
“Enjoy… While you still can…”
Then Weirdo was gone. He vanished in the blink of an eye, literally. I was left standing alone in the street, still holding the doll. The haze that enveloped my mind cleared. What am I doing? I chastised myself. I just bought a pathetic, useless doll for $10!!
Ugh, I grimaced at the naked doll with disgust. How was this ugly thing ever beautiful?? I stashed it in my bag and headed home, reprimanding myself throughout the whole journey.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
A few months later…
“Lauren~” Annabel exclaimed in a sing-song voice. I mentally groaned to myself. I hated this time of the year the most!!
“Lauren~” Annabel exclaimed in a sing-song voice. I mentally groaned to myself. I hated this time of the year the most!!
“Can you take these home for me pretty please? I only want Eric’s~” She sang while presenting a whole sack of Valentine’s chocolates in my hands. I sighed and looked at my empty hands. Where was the justice?
“Alright, alright. It’s your fault I’m getting fat, you know,” I accepted the sack in surrender. Others say diamonds are a girl’s best friend. I say chocolates are a girl’s best friend. She took out a violet-wrapped chocolate and gave me the rest. I felt a pang in my stomach. Violet is Annabel’s favorite colour.
“Is...Is that from Eric?” I asked, even though I knew the answer.
“Yup! And he even got my favorite colour! Isn’t he the best?” She said happily while walking towards the said person. I envied her happiness. I wonder if she knew I liked Eric. I wonder if she is so cruel as to rub it in my face. Of course she is, a little voice echoed in my mind, she probably doesn’t even like him. I froze. That is not my mental voice. That cute, hollow voice is not mine.
“Get yourself a boyfriend, Lauren! It will do you real good!” Annabel shouted from across the street, in Eric’s embrace. I wanted to cry. What right does Annabel have to snatch all of my happiness??
None, the voice resounded, none. He should be master’s.
He should’ve been mine. He should’ve loved me.
He does love master.
He loves me. He loves me?
Yes, he loves you, master. But she snatched him away from master.
She snatched him from me. Should’ve been mine.
Make him realize his love for master.
Yes, make him. Mine. How?
How? Yes, how. Think, master, think. Who am I?
You. You’re not me. Not me. Cute voice… Doll?
Run. Make him yours.
Mine.
I ran home, and breathlessly dug out the dust covered doll. I was in an abnormal frenzy. I didn’t stop. I didn’t think. I couldn’t. The doll is still frowning. However, it is beautiful again. So beautiful.
“I wish for Annabel’s hair!” I screamed while clutching the doll as I would clutch my lifeline. The doll vibrated, and darkness seems to seep from it. The darkness ran up my arm, aiming towards my scalp. I felt the haze in my mind thicken, suffocating me. Then, nothing. Total blackness overcame me.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
“Wake up, sleepy he- Whoa! Nice dye!” A male voice sounded in my ears, rousing me from my sleep.
“What dye?” I mumbled at my brother with eyes still half-closed. I could smell the acidity in my breath. That’s right, I thought, I didn’t brush my teeth last night. I dragged my body to the mirror.
And gasped.
The image in the mirror is a disoriented version of me. It has my face, my body, my limbs. But it has silky honey blonde hair. Annabel’s hair.
I traced my eyes down the image’s body, looking for other differences. Face, check. Neck -birthmark’s still there, check. Torso -still flat- check. Arms, check. Wrists, check. Hands- wait a second. What am I holding?
I glanced down at the object I didn’t know I held. I was holding… The doll. But it didn’t look like the doll I bought. No, this one had black hair. My short, frizzy black hair. And… It wasn’t frowning. The mouth became a straight, indifferent line. I panicked and threw the doll into the wastepaper basket, then ran out of my room. I pressed myself against the wall, hoping the coolness with soothe my nerves. What just happened??
“Lauren, there you are. Listen, something happened to Annabel…” My mother said glumly. Annabel? Oh no. Oh no. No, no, no. What have I done?
“She… Got involved in an accident at the theme park yesterday… Her hair got stuck in the Ferris wheel and they couldn’t stop it in time…” She said. I dreaded her next words, realizing now what Weirdo had meant. “Most of her hair was pulled off…”
I screamed mentally.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
“Hey, Bell. You ok?” I said cautiously. This would be my first visit to her private ward after three days. I couldn’t bring myself to face her. I didn’t dare to touch the doll ever again.
“Yeah, I’m fine! Come on in! Oh and by the way, Eric’s here too,” Came a cheerful voice. Cheerful? Why is she still cheerful? She just lost all of her hair.
“Dude you look… healthy,” I managed, trying to play innocent. I can’t let her know what I had done, not when Eric is watching.
“Hahaha yeah, I know. I look like an egg,” She laughed. Why is she still cheerful?? Her scalp was damaged so badly that her hair will never grow again, I was told. I slowly made my way to the seat next to the bed.
“Are you ok?” I said with real concern. No matter what, she was –is– my best friend.
“I’m fine, really. Thanks for coming, though. I really missed some girl-talk… Since Eric chased away everyone,” She teased.
“They were too noisy. Besides, I let Lauren in didn’t I?” Eric defended.
“Yes yes, you did. Thanks. You’re the best!” Annabel replied. I can’t believe this. They were flirting right below my nose! Who do they think they are??
“No, you are,” Eric mumbled, so soft that Annabel didn’t catch it. But I did. And my heart crumpled along with it. Eric meant what he said. His eyes glinted with tenderness whenever he gazed at Annabel. Even more so now.
So he still thinks he cares for her.
What? No! Get out of my head! Look what you made me do to Annabel!
I tried in vain to shut out the voice that threatened to drug my senses.
It laughed, you can’t shut me out. No one can. You did this to her. You. I wasn’t the one who made the wish now, was I? I merely granted yours.
Get out of my head!
I ran out of the hospital ward, and straight into a wall of flesh.
“Ouch! Hey, are you ok?”
I looked up at the voice.
“Oh. Sorry about that. I didn’t see you there,” I mumbled, trying to tunnel my way around the bulk of a human known as my brother.
“Whoa, hey. Why the rush? You look so pale. Come on, I’ll buy you coffee. Your treat, of course,” he said with me in tow.
“Of course,” I sighed. I didn’t want company right now, but I would do anything to silence the voice. So far, it has not sounded since I barged into my brother.
He bought two lattes from the vending machine, and sat down on the cold hospital bench beside mine.
“Why are you here” I asked, taking the cup from his hand.
“To visit Annabel, duh.” He took a big gulp out of his coffee.
“Why?” I sipped at mine. The warmth was doing me good.
“What kind of question is that?”
“Just answer it,” I warned. He knew better than to argue with me.
“Hmm… Because she is my sister’s best friend, and because she is a rich, hot chick. Or, she was hot. Now she’s just rich,” he said matter-of-factly. I rolled my eyes. Guys.
“But you still came for her money?”
“Well, why not? Money does you good. Really good, in fact," He answered while taking the last mouthful of his coffee.
“See ya later. I’ve got some chick-catching to do,” he waved and walked off. “And by the way, the dye looks great!”
I stared at the remnants of my coffee. So guys are attracted to wealth, huh.
Yes, they are. Annabel is pretty. Annabel is rich. But you can make what is hers yours.
Wealth… Will it hurt?
No, it won’t. It won’t hurt at all, the voice promised.
But… My last wish resulted in her disfigurement. What will happen to her this time?
Nothing, nothing bad will happen, the voice soothed. The soft, melodious voice…
I’m drowning, I thought. So what?
“Doll,” I commanded softly, “I wish for her wealth.”
As you wished it, so it will be.
I saw blackness creeping into my sight, slowly, so slowly, darkness became all I could see. I fainted on the cold, white hospital bench.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
Ughhh, I groaned. My head is pounding like crazy. Is this what a hangover feels like? Ugh. Note to self: never get drunk. It feels terrible. Like my brain had split open. I sat up quickly, only to run to the washroom to empty the contents of my stomach into the sink. My eyes lolled in their sockets. I need an icepack, I thought, and made my clumsy, bump-full way to the reception desk of the hospital.
“Hey, do you have an ice-pack? My head hurts so badly,” I slurred. I can hardly even control my lead-weight tongue.
“Sure thing, Ms Yin,” the nurse said. The she turned towards another nurse that is attending to an old lady. “Hey, Drew, bring Ms Yin an ice pack. Her head hurts.”
Drew turned around and walked towards me, motioning for me to follow him. The motion left the old lady in full sight. I could see blood seeping through a gash in her knee.
“Wait, wait. Tend to the old lady. She’s hurt even worse!” I told Drew. He simply shrugged and said, “No, you’re more important. Dr Yin would not be happy if we ignored you.”
Dr Yin? Oh, that’s right. My father. Since when did he obtain a P.H.D?
“Dr Yin??” I asked.
“Yes, Dr Yin. The director of a chain of hospitals such as this one. You know, your Father?” sarcasm dripped with from every word. The guy obviously doesn’t like me, but I don’t blame him. It seems that I have turned into a wealthy princess overnight.
Wealth… My head jerked back suddenly.
Drew rolled his eyes and pulled me into a very low-temperature room. My eyes recognized it as the freezer, but my mind didn’t. Wealth.
Oh my gosh. I had wished for Annabel’s wealth.
Tears flowed involuntarily as the magnitude of my wish hit me. What have I done?
Drew noticed this, but said nothing. He continued walking, not even bothering to check if I followed. I hung my head in shame. What have I done?
I slowly opened my eyes when I bumped into a cool glass door. Huh? What is that? I stared at the metal table behind the glass door. My eyes recognized it as the cool room, but my mind didn’t. I was staring at the figure on the metal table. Slowly I approached it and picked up the object. It… It… It’s the doll. Dressed in the outfit I wore before I fainted- a shirt and faded jeans. I recognized the words ‘Lauren Yin’ on the gray tee. Annabel had written it there. The doll smiled.
The tear-flow increased. I glanced down at my own outfit. A pretty blue, swishy dress, manicured fingers, and a Chanel bag complete with Luis Vuitton heels. A typical Annabel outfit. I let out a whimper.
Drew heard this, and put the ice-pack he had retrieved on my left hand before rushing out the door.
My already numb fingers clutched the ice-pack tightly as I waited for my tears to stop. I watched as my knuckles turned white and my hands lost all feeling. I laughed darkly. Is that what had happened to my heart? Drained of all emotion, all humane emotion. Drained of blood?
I snatched the doll as I made my way out, leaving the broken ice-pack sitting on the white-tiled floor, water dripping, dripping, dripping away.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
“Where is Annabel Falcon’s room?” I demanded at the receptionist’s desk.
“Erm… Wait a second,” the nurse said. I tapped my foot loudly.
“Room 201, ward 5. Second floor, to the left,” she said blankly.
“Took you long enough,” I sneered at her, and stomped off in that direction. I wondered how Annabel was. Ward 5, the nurse had said. I laughed. So she’s sharing a room with other patients now. Poor thing.
“Annabel~” I sang as I approached her bed, “are you ok?”
Her face actually brightened when she saw me. What an actress.
“I’m fine, thank you! They suddenly moved me too this ward last night, though I have no idea why. But it’s better here. There’re more people to talk to!” She said happily. Freak.
“Oh! I heard from the nurses that your Dad got promoted yesterday! Congratulations! Now Eric’s the only ‘poor’ one,” she teased. I glanced at the person sitting on her bed. Of course Eric’ll be here. He winced at her joke. Hmm… That may actually be a good sign.
He stood up, “Annabel, I have to have a few words with Lauren for a while ok? You just rest easy.” Definitely a good sign.
She nodded as Eric signaled me out to the hollow hallway.
“Look, Lauren. Annabel doesn’t know that her father had declared bankruptcy. Don’t tell her ok? And thanks for paying for her ward, by the way. It means a lot to her. To us,” He said seriously. He only cares about her. Why?? I’m pretty now. I’m rich now. Why do you still like HER?
“Wait, Eric,” I touched his arm to grab his attention. My fingers rejoiced at the contact. “Why do you still like Annabel? She’s disfigured and she’s bankrupt. Why?”
He stared at me for a while.
“Because she’s still her, because she’s Annabel. Because her spirit has not died,” he said softly, so softly that I almost missed it. He looked to tender, so loving when he spoke of her. I cried inwardly. No!
Then he blushed and shook my hand off to enter the ward. So adorable. Should’ve be mine.
Yes, yours. What do you lack? You have everything; money and looks now. Why not you?
Be-because I-I’m not her. I’m not Annabel.
Why are you not her?
Because I’m nothing like her.
Then what do you still lack? What does he like about her?
I continued crying as the answer dawned on me. Her spirit. I don’t have her spirit.
But you can have it. Wish for it, wish for it! And he’ll be yours!
He’ll be mine.
I stared at the doll in my right hand and spoke with a shaky voice:
“I wish for Annabel’s spirit!”
This time, I did not see darkness descend upon me. I had my eyes squeezed shut as I felt my whole body numb over and slowly stiffen.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
“Annabel! Are you ok? Answer me!!” Eric’s voice sounded in my ears. Then I heard his frantic movements across the ward, and I heard the frenzied monotone beeping of Annabel’s heartbeat scanner. Huh. Her heart has stopped.
Then I heard Eric’s footsteps grow louder as he ran out of the ward, yelling for the doctor. I couldn’t see his face, though, as my back was to the doorway.
Suddenly his movements stopped and I heard him gasp, then:
“Annabel! Why are you lying on the floor! Get up! What happened??”
“I-I’m not sure… One moment I was in the bed and the next I’m not...”
“By Trotsky, you’re back to normal! You have your blonde hair! Your branded outfit!” I could hear the sobs in his voice. Weird. Aren’t those mine?
“You-you’re right! Eric! It’s a miracle! We have to tell Lauren!” Annabel laughed. “Though, my voice does sound weird. It sounds like Lauren’s voice!”
“Who cares!” Eric exclaimed, as he undoubtedly embraced Annabel. “Let’s find Lau– hey! Look at what we have here…”
I felt fingers wrapping around my waist and hoisting me up.
“It looks like Lauren!” Annabel’s big, black puppy eyes stared at me. “It even has her hair, clothes and eyes! Wow. Scary.”
I’m suddenly reminded of the saying ‘eyes are windows for the soul’.
“Yeah. Better not show this to her. She might freak out,” Eric said while looking straight at me. He’s finally looking at me!
“I’m a little freaked myself. Could you… Keep this…?”
I saw Eric nod in answer, “Alright.”
Then he tucked me into the crook of his arm –His arm! – and started walking. I want to hug him back. I want to squeeze him back, but I can’t. I can’t even move, but I’m happy. I’m happy that he’s holding me. I’m so happy that all I can do is grin. So, so very happy.
That’s right, doll. Grin. Continue grinning. Forever.
